The secret origins of
/Conrad-Paul 'nomiddlename' Constantine/
[or: 'SO WHERE DID THEY FIND THIS LUNATIC ANYWAY?]

Somewhere, deep in the heart of the 70's, in a secret location in Northeast England, some of the most important moments of the late 20th Century happened. Indeed, for this was just down the road and over a river from where Throbbing Gristle would spawn the bastard noise-art that would be known as Industrial Music.

Oh, and I was born there as well, around about the same time. From parents of an English/Scottish and German heritage. This starts me off in life with the advantages of the German's sense of humour, the Scot's sense of ruthless efficiency, and the resistance to alcohol provided by both. [note: need to do more research on veracity of these these factors]

Lived there as a wee whippersnapper until the ripe old age of 8 years old, and then headed over to the rainy heights of england's 'west coast' to the mighty urban sprawl of Manchester,( home of some of the best music to come out of england I might add.). Attended a pretentious boys-only high school there for many a year and around about the age of 18, joined the family exodus to the other side of the planet - New Zealand; a country that, after living there for 3 years, is a fine place to retire; much like your Florida over here. Draw your own conclusions from that.

Well, life goes on and seasons and people change alike; after discovering the joys of living on the underside of society by force of need, I made my escape from the antipodes to the shores of America. Like so many of life's larger changes, there was a woman involved.

Well the years went by, and I'm no longer married to her now; I've made a mark or three since I've been here and claimed Denver, Colorado to be my new base of operations for world domination. Somewhere in all this mess I managed to gather together enough skills from my fractured past to gain some scant respect as an Information Security engineer. In brighter economic times I was the Lead Security Engineer for a certain (not too higly regarded now) Wireless Telecommunications corporation.

<....>

Life, It's a funny old game.

The Short Version: I'm the original, I have provable prior art on the name that dates back to 1993. All these others are merely inferior copies.